Maintaining a calm demeanor is often viewed as an admirable trait, embodying composure, resilience, and emotional stability. It’s the image of the serene sage who remains unshaken amid the storm…
But what if this calm exterior comes at a cost? What if, in the pursuit of constant tranquility, we lose touch with our authentic selves, becoming chronic people pleasers or suppressing emotions to avoid conflict?
This blog explores the disadvantages of always being calm, drawing on psychological insights, personal development theories, and my own experiences as someone who has walked this path.
The Allure and Illusion of Constant Calmness
In our society, calmness is often celebrated as a sign of maturity and strength. We admire those who can keep their cool under pressure, handle conflicts with grace, and maintain a steady demeanor regardless of the circumstances…
However, this constant state of calmness can sometimes turn into a mask, hiding our true feelings and desires. While it may seem like a virtue, being perpetually calm can also become a burden, leading to emotional suppression and a disconnection from one’s inner self.
Emotional Suppression and Its Consequences
When we prioritize calmness above all else, we may unintentionally suppress emotions that are natural and necessary for our well-being…
Anger, frustration, sadness—these emotions are often pushed aside in the name of maintaining peace…
However, research shows that consistently suppressing emotions can lead to a range of psychological issues, including anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self.
Suppressing emotions can also affect physical health. Studies have linked chronic emotional suppression to increased stress levels, which can manifest as physical symptoms such as headaches, muscle tension, and even cardiovascular issues…
The body, in its wisdom, doesn’t simply forget the emotions we try to bury. Instead, it stores them, and they can resurface in unexpected ways.
The Trap of People Pleasing
One of the hidden downsides of always being calm is the tendency to become a chronic people pleaser. In my own life, I found that my desire to maintain calmness often led me to prioritize others’ needs over my own…
I became someone who avoided conflict at all costs, who would rather agree than voice dissent, and who felt responsible for ensuring everyone else’s peace, even at the expense of my own…
This pattern of behavior, often rooted in a fear of rejection or disapproval, can lead to a loss of identity. Over time, the need to please others can become so ingrained that we lose sight of our own desires, boundaries, and needs. This can result in feelings of resentment, burnout, and a sense of emptiness—because in trying to be everything to everyone, we end up being nothing to ourselves.
The Journey of Self-Awareness and Growth
My journey to understanding the disadvantages of constant calmness began when I realized that my calm exterior was not truly reflective of my inner world. I had spent years cultivating an image of serenity, but beneath the surface, I was struggling with suppressed emotions and a growing sense of dissatisfaction. This realization was the first step in a process of deep self-exploration and growth.
I began to explore the roots of my need to stay calm and please others. Through Dr. Joe Dispenza’s meditation, journaling, Prayers, and self-reflection, I started to uncover the beliefs and patterns that had shaped my behavior. I realized that my calmness was often a defense mechanism—a way to protect myself from the discomfort of conflict or rejection. But in doing so, I had disconnected from my true self.
Breaking Through: Embracing Authenticity
Breaking free from the pattern of constant calmness and people-pleasing required a shift in mindset and behavior. I learned that it was okay to express my emotions, even if they weren’t always calm or pleasant. I began to set boundaries, prioritize my needs, and communicate more openly and honestly with others. This process was not easy, and it involved confronting fears and discomforts that I had long avoided.
One of the most important lessons I learned was the value of authenticity. Being true to myself—allowing myself to feel and express the full range of emotions—brought a sense of freedom and empowerment that I had not experienced before. It also deepened my relationships, as I was no longer hiding behind a mask of calmness, but instead engaging with others in a more genuine and vulnerable way.
Practical Steps for Embracing True Calmness
If you find yourself resonating with the challenges of being always calm, here are some practical steps that can help you embrace a more balanced approach to calmness and emotional expression:
- Practice Mindful Awareness: Start by becoming more aware of your emotions as they arise. Notice when you are suppressing feelings or putting on a calm facade. Mindfulness practices such as meditation can help you stay connected to your emotions in the present moment.
- Embrace Vulnerability: Understand that it’s okay to be vulnerable and express emotions that aren’t always calm. Allow yourself to experience and express anger, sadness, or frustration in healthy ways. This could be through journaling, talking with a trusted friend, or engaging in creative outlets.
- Set Boundaries: Learn to set clear boundaries with others. This might involve saying no more often, expressing your needs, or stepping back from situations that compromise your well-being. Boundaries are essential for maintaining your emotional health and ensuring that your calmness is authentic, not forced.
- Engage in Self-Reflection: Regularly reflect on your behavior and emotional patterns. Ask yourself if your calmness is genuine or if it’s a way to avoid conflict or discomfort. Journaling can be a powerful tool for exploring these patterns and identifying areas for growth.
- Seek Support: If you find it challenging to break free from patterns of emotional suppression or people-pleasing, consider seeking support from a therapist or coach. Professional guidance can provide valuable insights and tools for personal development.
- Cultivate Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself as you navigate this journey. Changing deeply ingrained patterns takes time and patience. Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your efforts and progress, even if you experience setbacks along the way.
Finding Balance and True Calmness
The disadvantage of being always calm lies in the potential to disconnect from our authentic selves and the emotions that make us human. While calmness is a valuable quality, it should not come at the cost of suppressing our true feelings or becoming a chronic people pleaser…
By embracing our full range of emotions and prioritizing authenticity, we can achieve a state of calmness that is not only more genuine but also more sustainable and fulfilling.
Through my journey, I’ve learned that true calmness is not about being unflappable at all times, but about being in harmony with oneself—honoring all emotions and experiences without fear or suppression…
It’s a lesson I continue to practice, and I encourage others to explore their own paths to authentic calmness, free from the burdens of societal expectations or internalized pressures.
