Ever wonder why you know better but still don’t do better?
Like, you’ve prayed hard, scrolled healing quotes, tried journaling at 2 a.m., maybe even begged the God to fix you, but somehow, you still end up crying over the same wound, just wearing different clothes. Same pain and patterns. Different face.
Why is that?
Because knowing something in your head doesn’t mean you’ve become it. And until you become it, your brain will keep dragging you back to the old self like a toxic situationship.
Let’s talk about what it actually takes to rewire your reality. Not in a feel-good, Pinterest-quote way. But for real, for your neurons, your body, your identity.
Understanding the path: From thinking to doing to being
Most people stop at step one. They read something deep on Instagram or in a book, and think, “Wow. That makes sense.” That’s the thinking stage. And it’s important. But if you stop there, nothing in your life changes except your vocabulary.
Next comes the doing stage. This is when you take action, repeating new behaviors, rehearsing new emotional responses, learning how to pause before reacting.
But the real gold? It’s the being stage. When you no longer have to try. You just are.
Let me show you what I mean.
Meet James: The walking panic attack
James was a man who lived in fight-or-flight. Constant stress. Always worried. Always assuming the worst. And honestly? He didn’t even realize it wasn’t normal.
He thought that’s just how life was. Always waiting for the next problem. Always needing control.
But James started learning about how his thoughts were influencing his emotions, and how his emotions were running his body. That’s when the shift began.
First comes thinking
James became aware of the loop. He realized he wasn’t anxious because of traffic or bills or rude people, he was anxious because his brain was trained to react that way to everything. And a big part of that training came from past trauma, moments that overwhelmed him, imprinted deeply, and never really got processed. His body had learned to stay on guard because it had once needed to survive.
He started understanding the link between his repeated thoughts and the physical tension in his body. The stress hormones. The shallow breathing. The emotional exhaustion.
This is the beginning. Awareness. When you finally say, “Wait a second… I’m not reacting to life. I’m reacting to my programming.”
But James didn’t stop there.
Then comes doing
James started practicing mental rehearsal. This part gives people the ick because it sounds cheesy. But it’s neuroscience.
Every morning, James sat down and rehearsed being a calmer version of himself. He didn’t just say positive affirmations. He visualized himself going through difficult moments, and responding differently.
He saw himself in traffic, breathing deep.
He saw himself in conversations, not interrupting, not defending.
He saw himself walking into work with grounded energy.
Let me tell you a wild study: In 1962, Japanese researchers conducted a study on children who were severely allergic to poison ivy. They rubbed a harmless leaf on one arm, telling the kids it was poison ivy, and most of them broke out in rashes anyway. Then they rubbed actual poison ivy on the other arm, telling them it was harmless, and most didn’t react at all. The body responded not to the leaf, but to the belief. That’s how powerful your inner world is, it can literally trick your immune system into reacting (or not). So when you rehearse a new version of you with strong emotional belief, your brain and body follow.
James paired those visualizations with the feelings of peace. Calm. Confidence. Safety.
And the more he practiced it, the more his body started learning a new language.
Then comes being
One day, something happened.
James was in a situation that would’ve normally triggered him, like massively. But he didn’t react the old way. He stayed calm. Regulated. Present.
He didn’t have to try. He didn’t have to coach himself through it. He just responded like someone who wasn’t owned by fear anymore.
That’s the being stage.
This is where you’re no longer pretending, practicing, or pushing. You’re just different. The old you feels like a memory, not your identity.
What changed inside James’s brain?
- His prefrontal cortex, the part that lets us choose consciously, became stronger.
- His limbic brain, the emotional reaction center, became calmer.
- His body stopped flooding with cortisol and started producing more balanced chemistry.
- His identity began to shift. Not just in theory, but biologically.
This wasn’t only a mindset shift. It was a neurological shift.
Real change means changing your state, not just your story
The reason most people stay stuck is because they try to think their way into healing. But your nervous system doesn’t respond to thoughts. It responds to state.
You can’t lie to your body. It knows what you actually believe.
That’s why James’s daily rehearsal mattered. Because he wasn’t just learning new ideas, he was feeling them. Emotionally and physically.
The body learns through repetition. Through emotion. Through experience.
What I’ve seen in myself and my clients
I’ve walked this road myself. I spent years battling chronic illnesses, pain, fatigue, gut issues, emotional chaos, with no clear medical diagnosis, no real answers, and definitely no magic pills. I turned inward because nothing else was working. And slowly, by changing my inner rehearsal, my body began to change too.
I’ve watched my clients go through the same. I’ve sat across people who felt hopeless, whose life didn’t make sense, whose trauma was dismissed or misdiagnosed, and I watched their lives turn around the moment they stopped waiting for someone else to fix them.
They go from:
- panic to presence
- self-hate to self-leadership
- chaos to clarity
…without anyone else changing. Because they changed.
They moved from thinking… to doing… to being.
Your step-by-step path
Here’s how to start moving toward being:
- Become aware. Start by slowing down enough to observe your mind. What story are you running on repeat? Is it fear of being abandoned? Fear of failure? Shame about your past? Name it without sugarcoating. This is your current software, you can’t update what you won’t admit.
- Interrupt the loop. When the old reaction shows up, pause. Don’t suppress it, just don’t let it drive the car. Take a deep breath. Place your hand on your chest or belly. Feel your body. This interrupts the automatic loop and creates space for choice.
- Rehearse your new self. Use meditation to enter alpha or theta brainwave states, those dreamy, slowed-down frequencies where change becomes easier. Then mentally rehearse your new identity. Walk through situations where you’d usually react, but imagine yourself handling it differently, with calm, self-trust, and grace. Let your body feel what that version of you feels.
- Anchor that feeling. Don’t just visualize it, emotionally be it. Set cues throughout your day (phone reminders, sticky notes, prayer breaks) to reconnect with that version of you. When you catch yourself drifting back into the old, close your eyes and return to the frequency you created in the morning.
- Keep showing up. You will fall. You will react. You will say, “This isn’t working.” That’s part of it. But here’s the key: don’t use failure as proof you can’t change. Use it as fuel. Get back up with more passion, not less. That’s how the brain learns, through practice and repetition, not perfection.
- Interrupt the loop. Breathe. Pause. Step away.
- Rehearse your new self. Every morning, see and feel how your healed self would show up today.
- Anchor that feeling. Practice it until it becomes familiar.
- Keep showing up. Even if it feels fake. Especially when it feels fake.
That’s how it becomes real.
Final thoughts
You can’t think your way into a new life. You train your way into it.
It’s not magic. It’s repetition. Intention. Emotional practice.
And one day, the old triggers don’t hit the same. The old fears don’t grip as hard. And the person you were trying to become? You are her.
That’s the moment everything changes.
If this spoke to something deep in you, if you’re tired of reading the theory and ready to live the change, I walk this path with people one-on-one. You can book a session directly on my homepage.
And don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter and follow me on Threads. I share the real stuff, the insights, the breakdowns, the tools I use in my own healing. We’re doing this together.
Because the truth is, you were never broken.
You were just stuck in the thinking stage.
Let’s move into being.
